First this is an internal dialogue that is a natural offshoot of 'imposter syndrome'. And for me it actually becomes more frequent as I progress further in my career as a dev. This is because it becomes more apparent to me how much I don't know, and I begin to wonder if I'll ever be good enough to attain the level of expertise that I aspire to.
What makes it more poignant for me is that I've pursued something like this before (sports career) and didn't quite make it (understatement), and I'm currently trying to reconcile myself with all the time and effort I invested in the process and how to ramp down from something that was my overriding ambition for so long. The good thing is that I've learned a lot of lessons from the experience and the main takeaway for me was ... if it isn't working, get out ... life is too short and there are many many other things to try your hand at.
The second thing that I liked about it was how it shows exactly why we should have empathy for other developers. I loved this section
For every dude I dismiss, every footnote in a roundup post, every guy deemed worthy of mere shrugs or raised eyebrows — all of whom are well-compensated for their work, no doubt — there is someone far away on the other end of the phone coaching him or advising him or loving him who wants desperately for him to succeed and be happy
because one of the things I try to live by is this
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle --- Plato
I've had endured a few insults in my life as a dev ("You'll never be an engineer son, maybe a scripter or something, but never an engineer"), by people who thought I'd never make it as a programmer. Many years, later, here I am ... doing a pretty decent job at it, and I'll never forget all the kind people who encouraged me, took a time out to explain something to me ... again, just like I'll never forget the couple of times someone was a complete dick to me, because they thought I had no prospects as a developer.
I guess what I'm saying is, whenever you feel the need to dismiss someone who has no skills ... maybe take a step back and see if what they need is encouragement, coaching and a little bit of direction instead.
Speaking as someone who started literally from 0 in terms of developer knowledge a scant 3 years ago, and having been spat on, insulted and otherwise ridiculed for ever believing I could join the cult, I will say this: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I had code with security holes that you could drive a Mack truck through. I learned security. I had sloppy copypasta code. I learned OOP. I had inefficient code. I learned memory management processes and how to structure code better for efficiency.
Could those who spoke down to me have been more helpful? More coddling? Not said anything at all? Sure. But who knows how that would have stunted my growth.
It's good to have compassion, and it's good to care. But if you really want to be the best at something, you're going to have to want it. And if you really want it, when someone beats you down, you're not going to stay down. You're gonna learn how to hit back.
As far as ultimately being where you want to be, sometimes it's simply the luck of the draw, and you have to understand how large a role that luck plays, as well, especially when you're being enchanted by stories of multi-million dollar startup investments.
All my life I have been known as the cold asshole because I am very critical and non-accommodating. So I just want to say something from a person that has always and still does believe that most people are weak. People don't do __, and are not good at ___ because they are weak etc. What that implies is that you can condition yourself to be stronger.
Anyway, now that you know who I am, I just want to say, I wouldn't word it so much as
And if you really want it, when someone beats you down,
you're not going to stay down. You're gonna learn how to hit back.
There is no need to hit back. Hitting back is a waste of effort on your part because it validates the hitter's position ; it gives him power.
I know this sounds all philosophical but this is important to me because I have always been that guy (unknowingly) putting people down (to me I think I'm making them stronger).
You can only control yourself and there will be a lot of assholes in life. The best thing you can do is to discipline yourself, over time, to see negative input and influence for what it is - negative. "Hitting back" (I know you mean this metaphorically) is also negative though, so that's why I say it's better to just focus on goodness. The goodness of yourself, and the fact that no matter how relatively terrible you may be, if you are better at it than yesterday, well that is a GOOD thing.
Again, I probably got a bit carried away with the language, but when I say "hit back", I mean what my examples said: They got me with x, so I learned how to defend from x. They got me on y, so I learned how to defend from y.
Sometimes it takes a gut punch to learn how to block a gut punch.
An important thing to remember about those insulting your abilities to your face and behind your back. They have their own agenda and issues. That insult might not even have anything to do with you. You might just be collateral damage.
I will say this: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
This saying has always bothered me, Nietzsche or not.
What doesn't kill you, in the literal sense, can often cripple, maim, or psychologically impair you. It could make you hesitant, lose confidence, or refuse to try again.
Whether it's your life, or your professional career, the "failure or luck against adversity makes you stronger" bit seldom matches reality.
Sorry to take that sidetrack, but it happens to be a saying that I wish would disappear.
Agreed, it's trite, overused, and arguably obsolete phrasing. My point was more that we often face large degrees of adversity early on when we approach a difficult challenge. If we get up and walk away after we're knocked down in the beginning, we probably didn't want it that badly to begin with.
The ways I've heard it are, "never let it happen again" and "learn from your mistakes", in other words don't make the same mistake again. Sure one refuses to try the exact same strategy again... because it didn't work the first time. That doesn't mean one stops trying altogether. Refactor/pivot and give it another go.
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle --- Plato
If this were reddit I'd have to make a novelty account for these.
That sure don't sound like Plato, and in this case we're lucky -- the best website in the business has already tracked this one down: http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/06/29/be-kind. A Scottish theologian called Ian Maclaren wrote it as a Christmas message in 1897. The original: "Be pitiful, for every man is fighting a hard battle."
"Pitiful" meant "merciful", of course, not "pathetic" as we mean it today.
First this is an internal dialogue that is a natural offshoot of 'imposter syndrome'. And for me it actually becomes more frequent as I progress further in my career as a dev. This is because it becomes more apparent to me how much I don't know, and I begin to wonder if I'll ever be good enough to attain the level of expertise that I aspire to.
What makes it more poignant for me is that I've pursued something like this before (sports career) and didn't quite make it (understatement), and I'm currently trying to reconcile myself with all the time and effort I invested in the process and how to ramp down from something that was my overriding ambition for so long. The good thing is that I've learned a lot of lessons from the experience and the main takeaway for me was ... if it isn't working, get out ... life is too short and there are many many other things to try your hand at.
The second thing that I liked about it was how it shows exactly why we should have empathy for other developers. I loved this section
For every dude I dismiss, every footnote in a roundup post, every guy deemed worthy of mere shrugs or raised eyebrows — all of whom are well-compensated for their work, no doubt — there is someone far away on the other end of the phone coaching him or advising him or loving him who wants desperately for him to succeed and be happy
because one of the things I try to live by is this
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle --- Plato
I've had endured a few insults in my life as a dev ("You'll never be an engineer son, maybe a scripter or something, but never an engineer"), by people who thought I'd never make it as a programmer. Many years, later, here I am ... doing a pretty decent job at it, and I'll never forget all the kind people who encouraged me, took a time out to explain something to me ... again, just like I'll never forget the couple of times someone was a complete dick to me, because they thought I had no prospects as a developer.
I guess what I'm saying is, whenever you feel the need to dismiss someone who has no skills ... maybe take a step back and see if what they need is encouragement, coaching and a little bit of direction instead.